Node Of Evil - Fair And Balanced Reporting

For those who feel the war on terrorism
could use a little "Structural Adjustment".

Hey all, here's something that's vitally important -- the U.N. aid program in Palestine is close to running out of funds. Please take a minute to donate something to help the Palestinian refugees. You can donate here. More information about the program can be found here.

Who We Are: Did you feel left out of the "Axis of Evil"? Do you not have enough WMD's to qualify? Well, fret no more friend, 'cause any rational left- or right-leaning individual who dares disagree with the war on terrorism is a threat to every peace-loving nation! That means us! and that may mean you, too, are qualified to make the Most-of-the-Most-Wanted list. We're here to welcome all who disagree with, or generally dislike, any aspect of the war on terrorism with open arms! Declare yourself an enemy of the state - join the Node Of Evil.

Why join the Node Of Evil? We offer benefits such as a clear conscience and the ability to express your opinion, plus the opportunity to lob a few political hot potatos in the general direction of the White house.

How do you join the Node Of Evil? To join, simply repeat the phrase "I hate the war on terrorism". Yes, it's that simple!


Monday, April 26, 2004

News Flash: Bush Campaign Outsourced to India

Realizing it's cheaper than even a Pyramid Scheme that awards cheap trinkets for political devotion, the Bush campaign team has decided to outsource the whole campaign to India. "Sure, there was a bit of a backlash at first" remarked Karl Rove, Bush's campaign manager, "but the grass-roots organization in India is much more effective. We can pay them, and it's still cheaper than an all-volunteer effort in the United States". The average Republican employee at a call center in India makes the equivalent of the price of a Team Leader baseball cap (about two dollars) every month. "The promotional toys we give to our volunteers here in the U.S. were too darn expensive". Buying votes in India is also much cheaper; the Immigration and Naturalization Service has authorized issuing a special H-1V Visa (the "V" stands for voter) to Indian nationals who will come to the U.S. in November to vote for the President. They'll be flown to the U.S. on transports returning from the Gulf region ("we like to call them 'Steadfast Returners'" quipped Rove) and returned to India when those flights make the trip back.

Rove also told us that we can expect similar measures far into the future . "With all our programs around the world requiring a time commitment far greater than four years, we need the President to win this election. After all, it's his war in Iraq -- why shouldn't he finish it, even if it takes 20 years. That's what I call 'personal responsibility'. This innovation will ensure that the President is able to bear that responsibility well beyond the next eight years".

Andrew 2:48 AM : |


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