Node Of Evil - Fair And Balanced Reporting

Monday, April 26, 2004

 
News Flash: Bush Campaign Outsourced to India

Realizing it's cheaper than even a Pyramid Scheme that awards cheap trinkets for political devotion, the Bush campaign team has decided to outsource the whole campaign to India. "Sure, there was a bit of a backlash at first" remarked Karl Rove, Bush's campaign manager, "but the grass-roots organization in India is much more effective. We can pay them, and it's still cheaper than an all-volunteer effort in the United States". The average Republican employee at a call center in India makes the equivalent of the price of a Team Leader baseball cap (about two dollars) every month. "The promotional toys we give to our volunteers here in the U.S. were too darn expensive". Buying votes in India is also much cheaper; the Immigration and Naturalization Service has authorized issuing a special H-1V Visa (the "V" stands for voter) to Indian nationals who will come to the U.S. in November to vote for the President. They'll be flown to the U.S. on transports returning from the Gulf region ("we like to call them 'Steadfast Returners'" quipped Rove) and returned to India when those flights make the trip back.

Rove also told us that we can expect similar measures far into the future . "With all our programs around the world requiring a time commitment far greater than four years, we need the President to win this election. After all, it's his war in Iraq -- why shouldn't he finish it, even if it takes 20 years. That's what I call 'personal responsibility'. This innovation will ensure that the President is able to bear that responsibility well beyond the next eight years".

Andrew 2:48 AM : |

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