Node Of Evil - Fair And Balanced Reporting

For those who feel the war on terrorism
could use a little "Structural Adjustment".

Hey all, here's something that's vitally important -- the U.N. aid program in Palestine is close to running out of funds. Please take a minute to donate something to help the Palestinian refugees. You can donate here. More information about the program can be found here.

Who We Are: Did you feel left out of the "Axis of Evil"? Do you not have enough WMD's to qualify? Well, fret no more friend, 'cause any rational left- or right-leaning individual who dares disagree with the war on terrorism is a threat to every peace-loving nation! That means us! and that may mean you, too, are qualified to make the Most-of-the-Most-Wanted list. We're here to welcome all who disagree with, or generally dislike, any aspect of the war on terrorism with open arms! Declare yourself an enemy of the state - join the Node Of Evil.

Why join the Node Of Evil? We offer benefits such as a clear conscience and the ability to express your opinion, plus the opportunity to lob a few political hot potatos in the general direction of the White house.

How do you join the Node Of Evil? To join, simply repeat the phrase "I hate the war on terrorism". Yes, it's that simple!


Monday, August 25, 2003

Alright, by way of explanation, I haven't been posting on the node for several weeks because I was busy lobbying some friends in DARPA to try this new method of intelligence gathering by employing other key principles of market economies into their efforts.

For instance, I was the one who suggested that Alan Greenspan monitor terrorism and decide if we are in an inflationary or deflationary mode and adjust what I call "the prime security rate" accordingly. Too much terrorism causing oil prices to skyrocket and SUV purchases to decline? Raise the rate of security to levels where we randomly take out swaths of terrorists and a few innocent bystanders like the Israelis and we should get those Hummers off the sales floor quicker than you can say "Earth Liberation Front". Is there not enough terrorism to keep the president's singular focus of ridding the world of evil doers relevant? Simply lower the rate to a point where rogue nations can look into nuclear power as a way of improving infrastructure and voila instant sound bite opportunities have been created.

I also thought, hey, why don't we create a sort of phantom supply and demand chain where we can raise the rate that people perceive of terrorism as a threat to this country while not actually raising the rate of terrorism. But then I was informed that DARPA had been enlisting these two new up and comers, Skilling and Lay, for just that purpose for some time already (well before that short little war in Iraq we were engaged in earlier this year began, they say) so I decided to head home.

Once home, I read this little ditty in the NY Times about this new super specialized Iraqi police force which will be supertrained and ready to fight those unsophisticated guerillas who -though they may have been on Saddam's army for years- have no chance against this elite squadron of eight week trained wonder-cops. Okay, so admittedly there is this voice in the back of my head that says, "One more fiasco in the way this administration has handled Iraq won't make that much of a difference will it?"

Maybe the administration has spent too much time watching Hollywood in its efforts to overthrow the liberals' hold on California, but while "Training Day" and other movies depcit newbie cops as skilled idealists, in a country where corruption has quickly become a way of life in the absence of central authority, do we really expect 28,000 barely trained, but significantly armed law enforcers to act in the best interest of the people? What about under the duress of life threatening attacks by extremists against them and their families? The absurdity that this administration is still looking for quick fixes is turning into a frightening, almost Shakespearean, tragedy where the hubris of a few leads to the ruin of many.

Bran 6:12 AM : |


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